I have two things to say. One: I’m leaving tomorrow. Two: That could change.
We watched D18’s namesake in Eagle vs Shark on Saturday night. Nope, the littles didn’t watch it. Yep, it’s worth seeing at least once. That’s one of my favourite lines, and I think that the film will become one of our family's "cult movies" for sure.
Over the last fortnight, while I’ve been journaling pink and sparkly and delish and sunshiney and sparkly and speshal days, my head has been whirling on an off-centre roundabout. Ever since I was six, I’ve naively fought every Change Of Season tooth and nail. I have a love-hate relationship with Growing Up. I am deeply in love with my current season of “Mummy who goes beaching with her babies, relishing in beautiful things and making sparkly days”. But babies grow up. I can sense another Change Of Season about to happen and I am doing my usual fighting-it-off.
I’ve been in my timewarp for sixteen years now and I am Just Wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? See, Bulldog has applied for a scholarship next year to knock off his Master’s Degree. The last few years have seen him juggling a full time job, five kiddos, a Rather Blonde wife, keeping fit, mowing the lawns, and getting an A grade in four university papers, not to mention sleeping. I’m over it too. We need an oasis. So I am thinking, if he’s having a year off teaching and is gonna be in Study Mode, perhaps I could take a year off and do it too? Ya know, upgrade my teaching degree and go back to *duh duh dunnnn (drum roll)* The Classroom?
Part of me feels a desire to prove myself to myself, getting back to uni and Being Intelligent could be a fabulous confidence-booster (or it could be hell lol). Money is getting so tight and a beautiful sunny artsy classroom part-time could be just the ticket (the ticket to the snow - which my kids have never seen, the ticket to Sydney to see Sue and Cambodia to see Fleur and London to see my Brother and Sister, and a ticket to the cinema for the kids, and all those things I THINK we’re missing and kiss off because I've spent my life pouring into my own kids’ lives instead of the bank account). I love kiddos and if mine are ready, then I’d be the ninja at creating a gentle growing-up environment for other peeps’ kids. But could my Unschooling Buzz translate to the classroom? And could I find a Happy Place for my fellers? Could I bear to be separated from them? Would they be okay without my kisses showering them every minute?
Maybe my timing is a little rushed - originally I thought that S10 and M6 would have 2009 and 2010 at home, then go to school when S10 is year nine (the entry point for all the other brothers and sister) and M6 is year five. But I’m also seeing that I’m running such a Boring Ship here at home: I am running outta enthusiasm. I need an injection. That could be the effects of Winter...
I’ve also noticed that I’ve been holding my kids' hands a little tighter since I started thinking of The Big Wide World for them next year. We do have a family-ish school up the road with small classroom sizes, but it’s a highly structured environment and rather prescriptive in its expectations, which doesn't really fit with my idea that kids thrive in The Big Wide Open Spaces.
Still, I wonder if there’s change in the wind...