kate5kiwis: sweet sixteen


“If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.” — Mitsugi Saotome

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

sweet sixteen

life is ever-so-sparkly around here.
truth be known, i'm having a crisis.
make that a series of crises.
emotional, spiritual, mental: the list goes on and on.
my first kiddo has just left home. when he was born, a breathless protectiveness encircled his heart with mine. it hasn't gone away. he needs to individuate, to become entirely independant. everything all those older mommies said to me is true: and i am still struggling with the unmothering process.
i have one, maybe three more years before all my kiddos will be at school.
i'll have to change careers.
i *like* the career i've had for the last sixteen years. i don't want to say adios to
unschooling/beach schooling home education. i believe in it. i also believe in high school, with its wonderful opportunities and experiences.
and i feel like i am in spiritual detox: everything i've believed up 'til now is currently up for grabs.
maybe i'm just reaching mid-life?

when i was sixteen i bought a Real Swimsuit from A Real Surf Shop. it was a brilliant turquoise and it cost me seventy bucks and i felt like Rachel Hunter whenever i wore it. come to think of it, i've been asked two or three times in my life whether i *am* Rachel Hunter lol.
that gorgeous swimsuit lasted really well: i even wore it when i was eight months pregnant with D18 at an *aqua aerobics class*. take note: it's impossible to do water-situps with your legs clutching the side of the pool when you're eight months pregnant. don't try it, unless you have a lovely friend close at hand to resuscitate you when you nearly drown in fits of giggles.

i have promised myself ever since that i'll get a Real Bikini from A Real Surf Shop. so for twenty two years (yep, add it up. i'm *that old*) i've been waiting for the perfect time, my perfect teenage figure to return. but every time i regained the figure, i got pregnant. yep.
five kiwi kids and a whole lot of grunt later, i've done it again.
er, not got the perfect figure, got the perfect bikini.

well, it's not that bad cos i found it for half price.
and who cares if we have to eat lentils and lawn clippings for the next month?
at least i'll get a whole lotta wear outta it this week.
'cos we're going camping with the locals.
yeah, for three sunshiney days i'm gonna sweep all the mid-life crises back under the carpet and get on with being sixteen again.


Anonymous Bulldog said...

Love the writing.
You have articulated in words, as limited as words are, the road that you are travelling.
You are courageous.
You are a winner.
You will get through this and emerge into a wonderful new *season* that has the beauty and abundance of late summer/early autumn.
Rich and vibrant colours.
Ripe harvest from your efforts in the field.
Love you.

PS – loved this quote:
Youth is like Spring, an over-praised season more remarkable for biting winds than genial breezes. Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.
– Samuel Butler –

5:19 PM  
Blogger Little Miss Flossy said...

Your post was beautiful, thought-provoking, real... but it was the above bit that made me cry. Hope you're rocking the beach in your new bikini.

6:56 PM  
Blogger cesca said...

Bet you still look like Rachel Hunter!

Hey, just a question, maybe you could answer it in a post as I'd LOVE to know!! Why only homeschool for primary years? Most homeschoolers I know do the whole lot (or take the kids out at pre-teens and homeschool, but that's more to do with problems at school anyway).

As someone very interested in the education of my children (despite them refusing French!!!!) I'd love to know. :-)

7:24 PM  
Blogger Antipodeesse said...

You go Girl!

3:01 AM  
Blogger Barb the Evil Genius said...

Hope you have a perfect time in your perfect swimsuit!

I'm a little way off from my kids moving out, but I may send them to school when they hit fourteen. I've got four years until that happens, but I don't know what I'll do with myself either.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Reluctant Blogger said...

Rachel Hunter - wow! I bet you look drop dead gorgeous in your new bikini. Good on you.

As for the next stage of life thing - just take it all one day at a time. Thinking about change is always so much worse than living it.

7:59 AM  
OpenID hippyhappyhay said...

Well you reached your goal, how awesome are you???!!
Change is always unsettling, but refreshing and necessary too.

I was going for a different quote altogether, but this is the one that spoke to me.

It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.

But in your case, you have the wonderful Bulldog to hold onto :)
Happy camping my friend xxxx

10:39 AM  
Blogger LeighLeigh said...

In the words of a very wise Giant I am waiting for you, Vizzini. You told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved.
Not many people going through mid life crisis' look that good in a bikini! There's always a silver lining!

2:13 PM  
Blogger LeighLeigh said...

Hey I was just wondering - I didn't realise you modelled for ROXY - is that you on the tag?!! ;)

8:16 AM  
Anonymous BeachMama said...

Bulldog ROCKS.

And you, you are fabulous. I think it is great that you have taken the time for you. Congrats on the bikini, perhaps we

'll see a shot or two :)

1:09 AM  
Blogger kate5kiwis said...

you know i married you for your poetry, amongst other things. i say it's time to dust off that journal and get writing. thank you for your everlasting confidence in me, you have bewitched me, body and soul and i love, love, love you X

thanks, it turns out that the weather was less than conducive to bikini-wearing this week, think i'm heading to the surf tomorrow though. yep, that Bulldog, he's a keeper X

well, i'm warning you, it's a l-o-n-g and rather convoluted story... yes, i'll attempt the writing of it sometime soon X

oui, oui mon amie, back atcha X

yeah, it's almost that limbo feeling for me... loved Hay's quote about it, describes it perfickly, don't ya think X

yes i think you are right, and the adaptation to change happens quickly. i think i just need to empty my head about it, and then go off and do it X

hay, hay, hay. *loved* that quote so much i put it in my sidebar, M6 has a blankie (beddy) just like Linus, i used to have one too. maybe that's my problem? lol X

you'll just have to get yourself a new giant, that's all!
i can't believe it, but i'm gonna call your bluff: 'twas INIGO MONTOYA who said those words lol.
i *knew* that Facebook Quiz was a dud lol.
"...and that's kicking your a**!"
(movie line)
love the quote though, it's perfickly perfick.
and yes, that's ME on the roxy tag lol X

beach babe
thanks a million!
um, the photo? we'll see... X

1:59 PM  

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